I was so impacted by this one sentence I read in Ann Voscamp's book called The Broken Way that my spirit jumped within me.
- "The cells that only benefit themselves are known as cancer … Cancer is what refuses to die to self."1
I have been wrestling for weeks now with an issue of whether or not to succumb to external pressure and continue to silence the words God has been pounding on my heart to share with the world or … choose to be free.
God never fails to speak when I openly ask for wisdom without telling Him how I want things to go. Here is my answer.
This morning in my devotions it started with that quote above, where the whole chapter made me quake in my boots. It was all about the pouring out of one's brokenness. So, I put that aside and picked up another book. The next chapter I was to read was called "Thy Will Be Done." So, I put that one down too.
Then I picked up the sacred Word of God and I read Psalm 92 … thinking a calming Psalm when the Spirit is pricking, poking, and prodding, may be just the soothing balm I needed. Wrong!
I read …
- "It is good to give thanks to the LORD (Yahweh), And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High. To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, And Your faithfulness every night."
God asked me … does this mean just privately? Or does it mean with your life, every fiber of your being, as you walk, talk, as you write, as you share me?
I read on … my fingers trembling upon page.
- V 5&6 "O Lord, how great are Your works! Your thoughts are very deep. A senseless man does not know, Nor does a fool understand this."
The message was clear. I was not to expect everyone to understand what God has called me to do.
Now my heart was kicking. I was listening. By the time I got through a number of verses on enemies, the wicked, workers of iniquity down to verse 11, "Those who rise up against me." I understood clearly … don't expect to do the Lord's work and not have those who will rise up against.
Then the crowning joy, the reason one would step out and obey, the reason we listen to the Holy Spirit … There is a dying hurting world around us who need our story, our authenticity, the hope that Jesus can heal their broken heart, their abuse, their brokenness. Who else would they receive this message from and believe in healing, other than through the one who was abused, who did have a broken heart, who has suffered like they have suffered? Why does God choose to use our brokenness? I don't know but He does. I think it has something to do with the fact he was broken Himself for our sins, for our failure. He does not want us to be self-centered, worried about self-image, too proud to tell of our brokenness and how He healed us. He does not want us to be a "cell" that only benefits ourselves, for that is nothing more than cancerous. What He says in His word is this …
- "For those who are planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; They shall be fresh and flourishing."
Oh, the beautiful calm and peace in surrender. I realized that what I want, what I desire, more than life itself, more than the strife that will come against me, more than the pain inflicted by those who you would expect it from least … for they profess the name of Christ; I long to follow where Jesus leads.
Jesus was all about the down and outer, the broken, the bruised. He was not for the art of self-preservation, nor for the self-righteous, or the cell that serves only itself. Jesus was for the ones who need to hear hope. And we as Christians have the very hope-giving truth to pour into their anemic veins, if we but humble ourselves before the Lord and tell our broken story and how He … "O Most High" has redeemed, renewed, revived, replenished, restored. If we are not too proud to be real as the very Scriptures are themselves from beginning to end. Adam and Eve brought sin to the world, Abraham was a liar, Moses was a murderer, King David was an adulterer, Mary Magdalene was delivered from seven demons, Paul killed Christians, Thomas was a doubter, Peter was a betrayer and on it goes. If the very word of God is not afraid to tell the story from sinner to saved, why are we? For we have all fallen short of the glory of God and can only be saved by His grace.
I encourage as you go about this week. As you call out to the "O Most High" in the morning and in the evening and in any waking moments in between, ask him how you can be more authentic, more real, more open in your sharing of His amazing grace, and I will do the same.
With such a message hammered in three-way, surrender is my only option. And so I fall on my knees. I ask God for his power to wash away the encumbrance of what people think of me. I ask that my brokenness be a bridge to others of what my amazing Savior has done to save and to heal. For I want to bear fruit for Jesus … more than life itself. I desire to obey and in so doing …be a light, be that encouraging word, be fresh and flourishing until my days on earth are done.
Listen to Psalm 92 done to music by Paul Baloche "O Most High" ... Wonderful.
1) Ann Voscamp, The Broken Way, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016), 95.
2) All Scripture taken from NKJV, (Thomas Nelson, Inc. 2007)