I had to ask myself this hard question. Can I love David after betrayal in our marriage?
In answering this question I had to look at what love truly is.
It is not the Hollywood fairytale rendition. After all if Hollywood and all its cream of the crop actors and actresses had the answers to love, there would not be endless betrayal and divorce among their ranks.
So let’s throw out all preconceived ideals and look at what God says.
I Corinthians 13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.(5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. NIV
In reading this there is but one conclusion, we all fall short of giving perfect love. David was not completely at fault…I fell short as well. The love described here is selfless, forgiving, and has little to do with the romantic feelings of the moment.
Love is a choice!
I had to choose to love, or walk away.
If David had not gone to counseling, worked hard at changing the behavior that led to temptation and then sin, I would have walked away. Scripture makes allowances for divorce when adultery is evident. I do not advocate staying in a situation that will serve up more of the same kind of pain.
I love this Albert Einstein quote:
“The definition of insanity is to continue in the same behavior, but expect different results.”
Because David chose to change, I had a decision to make. If I chose to stay, the success of our marriage depended on my choice to also love.
I will be honest; I was numb for a long time. Pain and sorrow filled my feeling reservoir to the brim and I had little left.
Do not worry if you feel the same way. “Feelings” of love will return as trust is rebuilt and the choice to love “God’s way,” is made.