A Common SinfulnessAfter betrayal of any sort, be it a family member, spouse, business partner, or friend, a question bursts on the scene of our consciousness. Why should we show mercy to the offender, the one who has caused such pain, anger and loss?
The answer to this question came at a price—I had to look at myself.
For months after disclosure, raw anger fueled thoughts of revenge. Where previously I could tame such behavior, the sin of adultery pushed me over the edge. From this pressure cooker a truth emerged.
I wanted revenge!
I craved an eye for an eye!
I longed to do damage.
HONESTLY, for a while I actually resented my Christian faith, for it demanded too much. In actuality I didn’t want God involved. I wanted retribution and the power to pass judgment. I didn’t want God in my way.
What I failed to understand, was how these thoughts controlled my every waking moment with torment and my Christian faith was going to free me from this pain.
Because God is so gentle and loving He opened the eyes of my soul to clearly understand the damage this kind of thinking was doing to my soul. Like a mother in childbirth writhing in pain one moment and overjoyed the next as she holds her babe, this truth though painful, brought instant relief once acknowledged.
I emerged from days literally buckled over in pain where I longed for death, to days where yes the pain still surfaced but was not all-consuming. Hope peeked through the dark clouds.
Where previously I fed the beast of revenge by allowing thought processes that fermented and grew negativity…. self-analysis dropped me to my knees. I didn’t have time to think of their sin when I needed to address my own.
In the eyes of God, was my rage, or my revengeful thoughts any less a sin than adultery? After all, it is only us mere mortals that categorize sin into SHADES and COLORS. We tell little WHITE lies, versus the other end of the spectrum where BLACK-hearted adultery and murder live. But no where in Scripture can this mindset be substantiated. Sin is sin, to God.
The truth is…we all have a common sinfulness.I had to ask myself some tough questions. Were my negative and destructive tendencies somehow justified because wrong had been done to me? If they were, then why was I so miserable? Two wrongs didn’t make anything feel right? Two wrongs…equaled three, four and a whole lot more. There was no end to the pain.
I am not suggesting an unrealistic view where those who have betrayed and failed us are given mercy that enables more of same behavior. My husband and I have had a happy ending, but not without a lot of change and hard work. (The components required to rebuild relationship after betrayal will be addressed on other posts).
What I am suggesting, is to explore the thought process of acknowledging that we all fall short of the glory of God and need forgiveness. Romans 3:23
This truth is the first step forward. We cannot begin the hard process of forgiving others, if we do not understand our own need for forgiveness.
Healing is the goal, the reason I write, and the catalyst behind the passion I feel to impart hope. Full healing is not only possible after betrayal, but is so amazing.