Information ascertained by Dr. Gary Chapman to help us understand our primary love language is hugely beneficial in growing our self-worth and in our relationships with our loved ones. It provides guidance on how to love, understand, and accept ourselves, as well as our partner or family members in a way that best expresses love. And let's face it, a happy marriage and peaceful family relationships bring life to our soul.
The five love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman are:1
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Physical Touch
Dr. Gary Chapman so wisely states that Psychologists have concluded, "the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need."2
He explains that he learned from psychiatrist Dr. Ross Campbell that children have an emotional love tank waiting to be filled and goes on to conclude... "Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible emotional love tank, with its gauge on empty? Could it be the misbehaviour, withdrawal, harsh words and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile."3
On a scale of 1-10, we need to ask ourselves, how full is our love tank and how will knowing our love language improve our life whether we are married or not. This principle works as parents, as friends, and in any relationship.
- Knowing our love language can transform how we receive and give love.
- It can also pave the way to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
How will knowing the love languages improve the way we feel about ourselves?
- We will learn to know ourselves more intimately. At that point we then can communicate with our loved ones the best practices in loving the uniquely made person we are. In doing this we get our needs met. But we also meet the needs of our soulmate, our children, our extended family members better.
How can we discover our Love Language and meet that deep emotional need to feel loved in others?
- Do the assessment https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
- Read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Learn our love language and the that of those we love. Choose to speak that language consistently. Janet Newberry says, "Love is a process of meeting needs."
- We can do this by observing how we most often express love to others. Examples below.
Example 1
I (Suzie) would like to share my primary love language which is Words of Affirmation.
When a gentle tone of voice with words of encouragement, sincere praise, appreciation, kind words, support and validation are spoken, my heart fills with love, joy and gratitude. Like a wilted flower, words of affirmation are the water that brings reviving life.
When harsh tones, words of criticism, or judgment are spoken over me I feel hurt, crushed and unloved. Critical words are like daggers to my heart and cause me to withdraw and disconnect.
The Bible says that the tongue has the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21 NIV) and this is so true in my case.
On a personal level, I know at times when my love tank is feeling low, and others have not met my needs, my Heavenly Father is waiting to speak to me in the Love Language in which He created me to respond to. I know it is time for a walk and some prayer.
Example: 2
I (Blossom) show my love through acts of service. I naturally gravitate to doing things for others. My husband's love language is gift giving. We tend to do what we would have others do for us.
Being that our Love Language is quite different, I must remember that the best gift giver (my hubby) needs a gift now and again. He is hard to surprise being that he buys things when he needs them. This does not get me off the hook. I pray for original ideas. Literally pray. Whereas, he naturally picks up on little things I say, and the next thing I know…I have the gift.
In contrast, I show my love by doing things. When someone needs a helping hand, I'm there. But often this is not reciprocated, and I wonder why. I have to remind myself that not all people give the same gifts and have the same love language. With those I'm close to…like my hubby, I can communicate how I show love, and how when he does those little things for me, it fills me up.
Our self-image and self-worth grow by understanding the uniqueness in which we are created and in celebrating the differences. But sometimes humanity falls short, or we don't have that special someone in our life. This does not mean we lose out. The human heart craves God's love. God speaks our love language because he knows us intimately. Spending time daily with Him will ensure your love tank is never empty.
In my latest book Jeanette's Gift, a shy, average looking woman who thinks life has passed her by learns of her unique beauty. Her love language is in doing for others, but she has lost herself in the process. It takes a special man, Theo Wallace, and an all-knowing God to heal the pieces of her broken heart. This is story for all women who have not felt good enough.
1 Chapman, G.D. (2015). The Five Love Languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing Page 119 Chapter 9
2 Chapman, G.D. (2015). The Five Love Languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing Page 19.
3 Chapman, G.D. (2015). The Five Love Languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing Page 23