A Journal Entry

Here is a journal entry a year after finding out about betrayal in my marriage. I had come a long way, but the healing was not yet complete.

If you have ever wondered how God speaks to us in this day and age, here is a wonderful example. God, through His Word, spoke on a day I really needed to hear His voice and receive encouragement and wisdom.

October 4, 2008

I woke up early and much like a merry-go-round at the local fair, thoughts of what they did whirled in my brain. This onslaught hit the moment consciousness emerged. I found my mind instantly racing in directions I did not want to go. I felt sick and desired a way off this ride from hell, but around and around I went.

How does this happen? What should I do with this garbage in my mind?

I rose from bed after tossing and turning for an hour and walked into another dark day. Out of sheer desperation I picked up the Word and randomly opened the pages begging God for insight and strength.

2 Cor. 1:3 popped off the page. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” NIV

Oh God I need this comfort you speak of.

I read on…2 Cor. 1:8-9 “We do not want you to be uniformed, about the hardships we suffered…we were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure…But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead….On Him we have set our hope.” NIV

God you see the suffering, the pressure, the pain. I need hope. I need healing. I need this torment to end.

2 Cor. 2:10,11 “…if there was anything to forgive, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” NIV

Oh God help me forgive completely. I know I still struggle.

2 Cor. 7-8 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed (I don’t understand), but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned (by God), struck down, but not destroyed.” NIV

I need your power God, for I feel pressed, perplexed, struck down. Do not let this betrayal destroy me.

2 Cor 2:16-17 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” NIV

Thank you God for speaking into my soul… for renewing this troubled heart and for the hope of a brighter tomorrow. You answered my question...This is what one does with the garbage Satan brings to mind, dispel the darkness with the light of your Word.