I was gently admonished for my blog last week from different sources. I heard things like I need to find things to be thankful for. I need to accept the laws of the land and not second-guess their wisdom. I was told to search for the deep in the solitude as Paul did under house arrest, or Dietrich Bonhoeffer or Nelson Mandela in prison. All of these suggestions have merit. And so, I prayed. I asked God to change my attitude. I spent time, real time, practising gratitude for the many, many wonderful blessings I have in my life, but no … my mind kept coming back to the following. I could not shake it. I grieve, and I mean literally grieve ...

I was so impacted by this one sentence I read in Ann Voscamp's book called The Broken Way that my spirit jumped within me. "The cells that only benefit themselves are known as cancer … Cancer is what refuses to die to self."1 I have been wrestling for weeks now with an issue of whether or not to succumb to external pressure and continue to silence the words God has been pounding on my heart to share with the world or … choose to be free. God never fails to speak when I openly ask for wisdom without telling Him how I want things to go. Here is my answer. This morning in my devotions it started with that quote above, where the whole chapte...

I came across Matthew 6:32, 33 … "for your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you," and something profound hit me. To truly believe in a Father who wants to supply our every need, we must first believe in a good, loving and kind Heavenly Father. If you struggle with the concept of a loving Heavenly Father because you associate the way your earthly parents treated you to God, then this blog is for you. We start out in life with a mother and a father that shape and mold our view of what the word "Father" may conjure up. Both par...

I was listening today to a song by Laura Story, called "Blessings," and stuck anew at the paradox but the truth of blessing in pain. I lived those thousand sleepless nights she sings about. I suggest you listen to this song before we begin. The words to the chorus are … 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise? How many of us would sign up for pain? Would we be first in line to receive a blessing that come through the crucible of suffering? Does the fact a so...

YAHWEH-ROHI means The LORD - Yahweh my Shepherd Ps. 23:1 "The LORD is my Shepherd: I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters." Did you know you have a Shepherd? Most believers do, but we forget how significant this truth is. Fear enters. Fear grips. Fear controls. What is your biggest fear? Loss of money, health, children/spouse, a job. Is it divorce, a debilitating accident, death? Oh yes, there are so many things to fear and yet we, as children of God are told two things—we have a Shepherd and we are not to fear. The Bible affirms from Genesis to Revelation a resounding m...

 WHAT IS TRUTH? I randomly picked up my old King James Bible I received in 1974 at the age of twelve. The yellowed pages fell open to scribble marks my toddler son had made, who is now thirty-two. A truth struck me as my eyes filled with a sheen of sentimental tears, I'm getting old. This is a truth. What is truth? Is my truth, or your truth, or whatever we perceive to be truth, the bench mark for truth? We live in a world where absolutes are considered narrow-minded, prejudice, and even hateful. Messages are mixed. Money and possessions are the gateway to all truth and a good life, knowledge or science elevates a select few in...

 This past week a friend of mine sent me this email…the message touches so many of our lives and so I asked her if I could reprint it in my blog and she graciously gave her permission respectfully keeping her name anonymous.When we first started reading Larry Crabb's book "66 love letters" he said in the beginning that history is "His Story." (Meaning God's Story.) I had never thought of it t...

Each life, each placement in time and territory, each story, is uniquely and divinely appointed.Do you believe you have influence in your world?Do you believe you have love and wisdom to share and impart?Do you believe God knows exactly what you are going through, and though He may not remove your troubling circumstances, He has promised His unfailing love and peace?Isaiah 54:10 says, “Though the ...

Dear Reader,The next stretch is extremely busy for me. Our business in spring is full on. We work long, long days everyday of the week except Sunday. This being the case I find it hard to find the time to write.. On top of this we have to move in the month of June and I have to find time to pack each evening. In saying all this, please know I haven't given up on this blog, but am realistically hav...

Nature is God's balm, His infusion of love in an often cruel world.Come, let's walk together...may these photos and the detail of God's creation bring balance and perspective to your day as it did to mine.Today out in God's creation I found solace, peace and was given a gentle reminder...Here is what God showed me.The bud of a leaf... Daffodils in the neighbors yard...My walk took me from the...

The past number of weeks in my blogs we discussed the sovereignty of God and the question whether He could be trusted when circumstances are difficult. To sum up the message, I would like you to consider reading a portion of the Bible to solidify the concept of a God who has all in control, at all times.Start in Genesis and read the story of Joseph, my all time favorite Bible character. He was fai...

Thanks for joining me while I work through posting a chapter of my book  called “Friendly Fire.” This chapter primarily deals with the difficulty of trusting in a good God when life is not good. If you have not read my blogs before, please go back to Part 1 and begin there for greater clarity.My healing could not move forward until I accepted the sovereignty of God. When I did, the “why” questions...

Thanks for joining me while I work through posting a chapter of my book  called “Friendly Fire.” This chapter primarily deals with the difficulty of trusting in a good God when life is not good. If you have not read my blogs before, please go back to Part 1 and begin there for greater clarity.The hard work of accepting God's sovereignty began on those sun-drenched beaches of Australia, cradled in ...

Thanks for joining me while I work through posting a chapter of my book  called “Friendly Fire.” This chapter primarily deals with the difficulty of trusting in a good God when life is not good. If you have not read my blogs before, please go back a few weeks to Part 1 and begin there for greater clarity.GOD’S SOVEREIGNTYDuring my time in Australia, God supplied a stress free rest filled with rela...

Dear reader, as you can see by the title this is an on-going series. If you have joined today, please go to the bottom and click on previous posts and begin at part 1  for greater clarity and benefit.HOW DO I TRUST AGAIN?I understand now that a big part of my wanting to know why David strayed was my attempt to control the future. I believed that if I understood his reasoning, then I could ensure a...

Dear reader, as you can see by the title this is an on-going series. If you have joined today, please go to the bottom and click on previous posts and begin at part 1  for greater clarity and benefit.AUSTRALIA, THE LAND OF MY HEALINGWhen I left for Australia, I understood very little of why this time away was important. Though I hugely benefited from the physical and emotional rest, over time the ...

In Pastor Brian Jones book, Getting rid of the Gorilla, he describes how distancing ourselves geographically can allow space to regroup and heal. He gave the Biblical account in Acts 15:36-41 where Paul and Mark had a “sharp disagreement” and went their separate ways. He states, “I wonder if sometimes the only way to move past a traumatic event and heal is to put a literal ocean between our hearts...

FOR THE NEXT NUMBER OF WEEKS I AM GOING TO FOLLOW THROUGH A  CHAPTER OF MY BOOK DEALING PRIMARILY WITH SPIRITUAL HEALING  AND HOW TO BELIEVE IN A GOOD GOD WHEN LIFE IS NOT GOOD.SOMETIMES A BREAK IS NECESSARY—CREATE TIME, SPACE, EVEN DISTANCEThat first year after disclosure, passed in a daze. I worked through the shock first November through March. In April  I moved out of our home into my own apar...

If you have not read last weeks entry, this week will not make much sense, so please read that first. (Go to the bottom and click on Previous Post.) The whole objective here is to paint a before and after picture. It is to give hope to those suffering from the pain of betrayal this Christmas believing they will forever be changed for the worst.This is not the case when God heals the broken heart. ...

Dear Reader,Sorry I have not been available the past few weeks, we received a much needed holiday and rest. I came back feeling re-energized, re-focused and  refreshed. However, from past experience, I know the pain of betrayal does not take a holiday. Thus, the next two weeks before Christmas, I will depict a before and after scenario...the pain I felt that first Christmas, and the healing that h...

I read an article in the paper today from “Annie’s Mailbox,” entitled “Trust Is Hard To Earn After Partner’s Affair. I just wanted to hug this dear woman who signed herself as “Broken in Omaha” and assure her there is hope of healing. She had none.She had chosen to stay in the marriage after her husband’s affair, but describes herself today as one who is broken and cannot heal. “It is the most pai...

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE? Time is a precious commodity…a gift.Sadly my life has taken a turn I never asked for, nor wanted, and days fly by in stolen fashion.The business we bought sucks the life out of us and eats up a large portion of our day. We are caught in a vortex much like I would imagine the black hole in space…(a region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no matt...

 This is a song for all those suffering...write to me and I promise I will pray for you. Though Jesus has healed the broken, I will never forget the pain...never cease to understand. My mandate from Jesus is to show love, give hope and pray for all of you walking the road of betrayal.Listen to this song done by the Gaither Vocal Band and have hope...http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xwoscl_bil...

Verbal and emotional abuse is one of the hardest types of abuse to recognize…most people understand physical abuse, however emotional abuse can be disguised in a plethora of ways but equally as damaging.  So I thought it best to start with the definition of abuse before tackling the subject of extending grace.Abuse is defined in the dictionary as…1) To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse o...

Depression can creep into the soul unaware. Sad happenings tend to invite this beast. Suddenly you wake up and find the darkness overwhelming, all joy stolen. You turn the light on, but the gloom does not lift. The sun rises, but there is no warmth. Sadness demands not just a portion of your life, but life itself.With depression edging in, my physician asked some pertinent questions and carefully ...

THE IMPORTANCE OF A HEALTHY DIETI am not a certified nutritionist, but as a Personal Trainer have taken numerous courses on this subject. Choosing to eat healthy is important during times of high stress. Many of us will do the opposite and turn to comfort foods (high in sodium, sugar and fat) or not eat at all. Both scenarios are destructive over time. For the first few months after disclosure I d...

SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND A VISIT TO THE PHYSICIANJournal Entry February 19, 2008 I had another wretched sleep last night and wonder how I’ll go on at this rate. I long for those nights of endless slumber where sleep was sweet and not tortured. The fact my emotions are all over the map and I feel like I’m going nuts may be related to sleep deprivation as readily as my hellish existence.Prior to revela...

Journal Entry August 18, 2008 What to do with this thing called pride? It’s so demoralizing to face the fact that I wasn’t enough to keep my husband happy. I want to change my body, change my life and change my address. Instead God asks me to stay and work through the wreckage.This pride prickles beneath the skin, with Satan only too happy to poke away reminding me “of what people will think.” At ...

 Here is a song when you are too burdened to sing. May this beautiful gift of music by Chris Tomlin bless and give you hope enough to let your faith arise.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY And to all you fellow Canadians...Happy Canada Day. May we thank the Lord for the many blessings we enjoy in this beautiful country we call home.Below are some of my favorite Canadian Flag pho...

COMMUNICATION: WE CAN’T TALK WITHOUT FIGHTING!In the next few weeks I will write how difficult communication was after the damage of infidelity. I include this very personal journal entry for two reasons: to share honesty the damage done, and to give hope that healing is possible. Whether you choose to stay in the marriage or leave, healthy communication is essential especially if children are inv...

Sometimes waters rise to the point you feel you may drown. For many months I could not sing, forced a fake smile upon my lips and when alone...I cried an ocean.Music left me.My voice grew silent.Thankfully my ears still  found solace and comfort in listening to words of encouragement through song.So dear friend... if you find yourself in that place where waters run deep and all there is left in li...

GRIEF COUNT THE LOSS The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief- But the pain of grief is only a shadow When compared with the pain of never risking love ~Hilary Stanton Zunin “To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.” ~Erich Fromm~   IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS DIED “Job open...

Why have a relationship with God? When times are good a thanks into the heavens is enough, isn't it?When times turn tough, what then?Do we blame God for our circumstances? Does our belief in God fade away? Like the house built upon the sand will the storm blast in and wash our weak foundational faith out to sea where all that remains is grit, salty tears and bitterness?Or...do we choose to pursue ...

SHOCK - HOW CAN THIS BE?A season of shock is expected after disclosure and is the first hurtle to jump after any type of betrayal is revealed. We feel betrayed because we believed that person incapable of their stunning behavior and their lack of concern for how it impacts our life.During my season of shock I faded in and out of reality. For a while I was in such pain, I could barely eat, sleep, o...

Thanks to a rather blunt email I received regarding a recent blog, I have my topic for today. The topic involves the concept of taking control of one’s life and what that might look like.This reader who was obviously in deep pain caused from betrayal, asked me a few valid questions. Why would I open my life and speak freely on a very personal family matter (adultery)? Why would I broadcast and hum...

LAST WEEK I TOUCHED ON THE SUBJECT OF FORGIVENESS ... AND THE  CONCEPT OF FORGIVING AND FORGETTING...Today I will let an excellent song by Matthew West called "Forgiveness" minister to your broken heart and encourage your soul.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZIMy most fervent prayer for you, is that you understand the healing and peace that can come from one of the hardest disciplines...FO...

When I was in the thick of my sorrow, I hated this flippant remark said to me by some… “Well you will just have to forgive and forget.”My reaction was immediate and blunt. “I know the Bible says to forgive but show me where the Scripture says to forget?”A good friend of mine who had been through the trial of adultery herself called me on this very remark, she brought Jeremiah 31:34 to my attention...

Year 2007... the worst Christmas of my life.That October I had found out how my husband had betrayed our marriage and Christmas was nothing short of a colossal farce. No one knew the truth while I played the part of an actress that would rival the likes in Hollywood.I could barely find the will to live, let alone find rest or peace for my tortured soul. I knew I was falling…falling…falling into an...

We are approaching one of the happiest and one of the saddest times of year depending on your circumstances. This song is for the broken-hearted, the weary, the worn.If sorrow flows and pain cuts deeper than a winter wind; if it seems like God does not hear the cries of your heart and all dreams are lost...listen to this song. Soak in the truth of these words.JESUS says, I am the rest you need, I ...

When betrayed, attention from the opposite sex can be almost intoxicating and most definitively tempting. Sorry to burst that happy bubble or balloon with a pinprick of truth, but in doing so I may save you future grief and sorrow.  So here goes…If you want to have a happy future, it lies not in a new man, or woman, but in a decision to heal. I sum up this message on how to heal in an acronym.&nbs...

HEAL OR REPLACE?After the betrayal of adultery a decision will need to be made.Will you choose to replace your sorrow with another relationship or heal from the pain FIRST?This is a simple but complex question.Simple because there is only one logical answer…and that is to heal FIRST! If you don’t, no relationship will work, not restoration of your marriage, nor any other one.The decision is also c...

If Jesus could effectively express anger, as we concluded in last weeks blog, then there had to be a way to emulate His example. During my season of intense anger I desired to understand how to manage anger...God's way.I had much to learn...To be honest, I struggled. Though my husband had turned his life back to God and was trying desperately to restore our marriage, there were days I didn’t care....

If you have been following my blog, you may wonder where I have been? My intentions were to be gone a couple weeks for a holiday and then back writing once more. Sorry to anyone who actually missed me, but circumstances took over.The good news...the albatross on the highway, that noisy location we called home for the past 3 years finally sold! Thank you God. Someone who lived in the city actually ...

This is a beautiful song by Olivia Newton John on SURRENDER!When life sends circumstances you cannot "fix, medicate, or numb"... Let Go and Let God! This sounds so simple, but in actuality is very difficult. Forced through the crucible of suffering, I completely gave my life over to God and found the ticket to freedom. When I could no longer control anything, I found ultimate peace in everything.h...

“THESE THREE REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE. BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIVSo many of my blogs have alluded to the sorrow of infidelity in my marriage and I admire David’s courage in being so open and supportive in laying the intricacies of this failure before the world. Our soul purpose is the hope it will bring healing into the life of another hurting soul.In addressin...

Music played a good part in my healing. Though I have always loved music, for many long months I was too sad to sing. The voice of others filled that void as I just listened and absorbed the message.The following song by Mandisa called Broken Hallelujah is a song my husband found during my time of healing. He bought the CD for me with this song in mind. I will never forget his words... "Though I h...

FORGIVENESS IS A CONVOLUTED PROCESSWWII Nazi concentration camp survivor Corrie Ten Boom related her struggle on how she had chosen to forgive but remained unable to forget the wrong done to her. She kept reliving the incident in her mind to the point she could not sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help."God’s help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I co...

A PRAYER OF FORGIVENESS  LORD FOR TODAYGRANT ME BUT ONE GIFTTHE WILL TO GO ONTHE WILL TO LIFT,THIS INCESSANT PULLTO GIVE OUT REVENGE IN FULLGRANT  INSTEAD A WILLING HEARTTO RECEIVE THE GIFT YOU IMPARTFORGIVENESS, FORGIVENESSI NEED NO LESSTHEREFORE MUST GIVE NO LESSBlossom Turnerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxebOa-Facw

I have kept up the theme of forgiveness for the past few blogs for one purpose only...You! You are the reason God created the release of forgiveness, not to give the person who harmed you a free pass, but to set you the wounded one FREE! Free from bitterness. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, ...

Today I decided to list a few of my favorite quotes...hope you find them inspirational.   Love "People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."-John Harrison   Gratitude In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.- Dietrich Bonhoeffer What You Believe You can live opposite ...