IS IT POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE AND FORGET?
My reaction was immediate and blunt. “I know the Bible says to forgive but show me where the Scripture says to forget?”
A good friend of mine who had been through the trial of adultery herself called me on this very remark, she brought Jeremiah 31:34 to my attention…
God said… “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
And Psalms 103:12 “ As far as the east is from the west, so far He removes our transgressions from us.”
to which I sarcastically added… “I’m not all powerful like God…and my mind is not capable of forgetting.”
“That may be true,” she responded kindly, “but the Scripture does encourage us to be like Jesus.”
Honestly, in that instant, I wanted to bob her. I remember immediately making up some excuse to hang up the phone. She was not my go-to person for a while.
As you can clearly see, I was struggling. I barely had the will to try and forgive much less embrace the impossibility of forgetting. I had much to learn and I thank God for being so gentle with me.
Today I have a different mindset. I would like to nut shell what I have learned the hard way, so that maybe you can be spared some of my mistakes.
I looked up the origin of the phrase “Forgive and Forget” and it is not a Biblical quote but traced back to theses sources:
Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616): "Let us forget and forgive injuries." "Don Quixote de la Mancha."
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) "Pray you now, forget and forgive." "King Lear"
However, I now believe that there is a miraculous phenomenon that combines the two elements of forgiving and forgetting when we choose to forgive as God has instructed.
There is no doubt we are to forgive. Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13, Luke 6:36-37, and many more Scriptures, but let's take it a step further. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love keeps no record of wrongs.
Hmmmm…this sounds strangely akin to forgetting to me.
I believe forgiveness recognizes fully the wrong done and yet with the help of God will choose to love and let go of that list of wrongs. We cannot do this on our own strength. Forgiveness is a spiritual discipline and an unearthly concept, yet the most powerful step toward healing a person can make.
As for the forgetting part…this is how I see it.
If we do not embrace forgiveness, bitterness will set in, and torment of the mind will be the reward. The hurt, pain, and emotion attached to the sin done will increase and grow. It will take on a life of it's own and obsess the mind for the rest of our life.
However, if we do choose to forgive the opposite happens, peace replaces turmoil along with another amazing God quality. NO, we never forget, but if we allow forgiveness, the sin will no longer torment the mind. When the mind is not continually engaged upon that sin, a love, tenderness and kindness replaces the pain. This is aptly described in Ephesians 4:32 ”Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (ESV).”
When we choose to do it God’s way, the sin no longer rules our life, our thoughts, our hearts…love does. In my mind, this is more powerful and sweeter than forgetting, because if I can remember the sin and yet still love that person…Wow, God has done a miracle.
Lastly, a good way to check if forgiveness has taken place is this…CAN YOU PRAY FOR THAT PERSON WHO HAS HARMED YOU? This is a good test for me. If anger replaces my ability to pray for that person, I know that the work of forgiveness still remains incomplete and I need to ask God for more help.
IF YOU STRUGGLE TO FORGIVE, BE ENCOURAGED…God will not leave you to work this out on your own. He will gently guide your heart and give you strength until forgiveness is possible, because He knows that once forgiveness happens, the one set free …IS YOU!
*** A cautionary note. ***
I am not talking about reconciliation of a relationship in this segment. To forgive does not mean to squelch God given emotion and bury negative feelings. Nor does it mean to step back into a dangerous situation, or be tight-lipped about abuse. The criteria to restore a relationship is something totally apart from the need to forgive. I am solely referring to the inner process of forgiveness whether that person who harmed you ever repents, changes, or deserves forgiveness.When you subscribe to the blog, we will send you an e-mail when there are new updates on the site so you wouldn't miss them.
About the author
Blossom Turner is an award-winning novelist, and a free-lance writer published in Chicken Soup and Kernels of Hope anthologies, and former newspaper columnist on health and fitness. A Word Guild semi-finalist for Anna's Secret, Katherine's Arrangement, Amelia’s Heartsong, and a Word Guild winner for Best Romance for Lucinda’s Defender. She has found her home in the writing of historical fiction but is open to wherever God leads. The many 5-star reviews attest to the power of love and romance authentically woven into the Shenandoah Bride Series about five sisters and their five love stories.
Blossom lives in British Columbia, Canada, with her husband, David, of forty years and their dog Lacey named after Lacey Spring, Virginia, where this series takes place. A former businesswoman, personal trainer, and mother of two grown children she is now pursuing her lifelong dream of writing full-time. A hopeless romantic at heart, she believes all story should give the reader significant entertainment value. However, her writing embodies the struggles of real life. She infuses the reality of suffering with the hope of Christ to give a healthy dose of relatable encouragement to her reader. Her desire is to leave the reader with a yearning to live for Christ on a deeper level, or at the very least, create a hunger to seek for more.
Co-author Suzie Zanewhich
Suzie is a certified life coach, leader of emotional health, and resource specialist. She has found her niche as a soul coach.
Suzie finds purpose in empowering individuals to move towards growth, healing, and alignment with their authentic self. Suzie is driven by a calling to live authentically, as the person God created her to be, to reach her fullest potential and lead others to do the same. Her passion is to help others find meaning through discovering their strengths, gifts, personality, temperament and core values.
Suzie is a life-long learner, continuously immersing herself in new courses to learn more about human behaviour, relationships, psychology, child development, emotions, trauma and healing. Because of her craving to always learn more she has earned the title of resource specialist in the area of self-discovery.
Suzie Zanewich lives with her husband in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She has a patchwork family of four grown children, two daughters, two sons and three granddaughters.
Comments 3
Guest - Cam
on Saturday, 06 July 2013 23:48
This is a very poignant article on the subject of not only 'forgiving' but also 'forgetting'. I don't believe that the human mind can just 'forget' traumatic events that are often one in the same with our own sin or that of others; however, your notion of love replacing that anger/hurt does seem to cause the mind to let go and think of other things. Maybe the saying should be 'forgive and replace':-)
Guest - Blossom Turner
on Sunday, 07 July 2013 10:29
I like that...forgive and replace...I shall use that Cam. Very introspective thinking.
Guest - Mary J. Mason
on Friday, 24 April 2015 12:35
I decided to forgive and forget about the adultery after struggling with it for years. My ex-husband encouraged my son to chose someone else like he did to start new and forget about correcting your mistakes. He believe that I would never forget (even if I have never brought anything up). Forgiveness is never enough for him. I would not be given an opportunity to bring anything up so he starting dating openly the same person he committed adultery
I believe we must learn that when we offend and cause hurt and pain that we must learn how to forgive ourselves. It is apparent that my ex was having a very hard time forgiving himself. I continue to pray for him and his healing.