Have you ever had a circumstance you did not want? Have you ever been angry at that someone who brought about that circumstance? Or possibly even God?
Well I am going to be honest and transparent. I am in that place working my way through.
This past weekend we got a puppy. A strong willed, nippy, mouthy, adorable puppy. Her name is Lacy but should be Looney. Whereas our last dog Lyla was a gift from God, so easy, and so special, this one is special needs on steroids. I am struggling. I did not want, nor need this chaos in my already busy life.
I have a mammoth yard to care for all myself, a whole household as my husband is always working, and a full-time writing schedule, and now add this little touch of puppy love…NOT!
I was downright angry about this difficult intrusion and exhausted by the 5:00 AM starts to the day with howling. The constant mud tracked in and the aggression of a puppy who had lived with a family the past month clearly having had the upper hand, was not the script my husband had written. Not to mention the dog's car sickness in the vehicle on route home--not pleasant. This high-strung pup did not give the puppy love I believed would be my reward for making my husband happy.
Now you may say, quit whining, or as the Aussie's say quit whingeing, but there comes a time in a girl's life where she says I can't do what I did when I was twenty.
I have a medley of emotions... Some moments Lacy is so loveable I wonder what my problem is. Then the love/hate relationship kicks in when she poops on my shag rug, rips at my clothing, cuts my hands with her sharp little teeth, and chews on my favourite pair of shoes. An undercurrent of anger surges toward my husband for not taking no for answer and realizing that I was already maxed out. Yet he continues on with his life, heads out the door for another long day of work leaving me with the mutt and a heavy writing schedule I am somehow supposed to get done between the dog's escapades. I question God, for He could have orchestrated any other person to be the proud owner of this difficult dog...but no. And I'm angry at myself for giving in to persistence rather than heeding common sense.
And then to top off a very disappointing week, I did not win the writing award my first book Anna's Secret was up for. I know I should be thankful I was in the top three, but somehow it falls flat.
This past week I have wanted to scream, cry, fight with my husband, and laugh, depending on the moment. My nerves have felt on the edge. My emotions up and down. My vulnerability heightened. It takes way too much energy to remain upset and so I surrender.
I'm not quite there, as I'm sure this pup will test me to the limit, but I'm trying to give every moment to God and His sovereignty. I pray in the months to come I will have a positive update, but for today it is one moment at a time.
However, if I don't write another blog in two weeks, I have joined Looney Lacy, and they have carted us both off to where 24-hour care is available. LOL
May you find some humour in this small chaos compared to our world of Covid, riots, and global unrest. Or maybe you are going through your own personal crisis... illness, financial stress, divorce, abuse, painful family dynamics etc. and you need to be encouraged that our sovereign Lord Adonai has you wrapped in His arms. Take rest in the reminder that our Lord God that has all in His sovereign care, and all in His control.
Listen to this inspirational praise song that will lift you out of the doldrums 100% guaranteed. Way Maker by Darlene Zschech and William McDowell. You will see people of every colour and from many countries come together in praise. Absolutely beautiful.
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