When a couple marries the dream is this…a life-time of love and support. Rarely do people marry with the thought of divorce, except for those previously jaded.
Every little girl dreams of a flowing white dress, and then sailing off into the sunset with a man who will love, protect and cherish her as the most special woman in the world. Likewise, she will respect and honor him in return.
Fast forward…reality hits and bumps and warts emerge. We all fall down in some way, shape or form. And in this blog I am not talking about reasonable human failure…I am referring to that which evolves into abusive behavior.
Today I touch on the type of betrayal that has nothing to do with adultery, but can manifest itself in controlling, abusive ways. There are times the marriage becomes unsalvageable because one party refuses to change. In this instance the only answer left is to get out, or become that broken soul that actually believes they deserve such treatment.
How do we manage this kind of betrayal…where marriage become a platform for one partner to demand more than is humanly possible? It is the plight of many a marriage, where one spouse lives in constant fear, and/or a demeaning environment where tyranny rules. Usually the abuser has a very low self-esteem and garners strength from controlling the only thing he can…his woman. (Not to be gender specific, but typically the abuse happens to the wife. The husband is physically stronger, usually more dominant by nature as they are meant to lead in a good way, and typically they make more money, thus having the upper edge.)
We handle this betrayal like all other.
Firstly, recognize that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing, expecting a different response.
Secondly, get safe. Leave if you must. There is no shame or failure in protecting you and your children. In fact this takes immense strength.
Thirdly, seek professional help. See a Godly counselor, or qualified pastor. A lot of churches will provide free counseling to those in need.
Fourthly, ask God to help you forgive. Forgiveness is the gateway to freedom including the forgiveness of one self.
Fifthly, do not isolate yourself. Isolation is Satan’s favorite tool. He knows that if we do not enlist the support of others that love us, we will fall right back into the same old, same old. Don’t let that happen.
Lastly, BELIEVE. Believe God cares for you. Believe in the strength He can give you to create a better life. Believe in yourself. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL WORTHY OF LOVE…NOT TYRANNY.
AND... LEARN TO DREAM AGAIN.
Here is a song for all who suffer the betrayal of an abusive, controlling spouse instead of the love and support God intended them to find in marriage. It is dedicated to one very special, BEAUTIFUL woman in particular...you know who you are.