The Challenge of Communication after Betrayal
JOURNAL CONTINUATION...
The minute we got home, we both went our separate ways. Sleep evaded me so I opted to pray instead. It was one of those times the Spirit of God felt close.
“What God? I cried into the darkness. "Can’t I just go to sleep and never wake up?" Self pity oozed from my being.
“I want out of this marriage...I'm exhausted from trying. This last disrespect of adultery feels like the lid on the coffin of our marriage. Every ugly piece of their sordid affair is another nail hammered in. Our marriage feels dead to me—as if every time he was with her, dirt was piled upon the casket. I’m six feet under God, and suffocating from being buried alive. Will you please put me out of my misery?
“I’m too weak. I’m spent. I can’t do this.”
I waited for an answer, an impression, anything that would speak to my spirit. Then one by one, Bible verses began to filter through my mind; snippets pasted in scrapbook fashion.
“Do not throw away your confidence (Hebrews 10:35). You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what has been promised (Hebrews 10:36). But my righteous one will live by faith and if she shrinks back I will not be pleased with her, but you do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved (Hebrews 10:38-39). And now, dear lady, I am not giving you a new command, but one you have had from the beginning. I ask that you walk in love (2 John 5-6). Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully (2 John 8).”
The verses flooded in with clarity and direction. Each verse brought fresh air and light into that darkened place. It was as if God physically reached down and pulled me into His protective arms. He made me believe in His strength, rather than my own.
“What does healing in our marriage look like?” I asked God. “Cause I can’t and won’t fake emotion.”
Three words filtered through in gentle eloquence … “grace, mercy and love.”
“God, what does this mean?”
“Grace means to extend favor not earned.
“Mercy means to give undeserved forgiveness.
“Love—puts those two into action. Show David he is redeemable and has value in your eyes. Remember hope. Give unmerited grace. Pour out forgiveness. Love him like I love him.”
How startling to realize our marriage remained far from over but at the same time understand how incapable I was of moving forward without God’s power. It was humbling.
~ ~ ~
To say that communication was challenged is putting it mildly. I was either, angry enough to spit and clammed up for fear of what I would unleash, or weepy and emotional, incapable of rational thinking. Often, I had incessant questions and badgered David for information that invariably sent him into a tailspin, especially if he believed we had already discussed that issue. Rarely did conversation flow in easy comfort as it had before.
I included this entry for two reasons. Firstly to show you the drastic change in our relationship, how so much of what had come naturally was now tormented; secondly to provide hope, and not leave you there. Yes, the immense pain of disclosure brings consequences, but God is an amazing rebuilder when hearts are soft. You can see how God spoke Scripture into my life, how His Spirit spoke wisdom for my circumstance. He will do the same for you.
Does this mean I always applied the fullness of grace and mercy? No, I made many mistakes. But this truth was the foundation I needed to initiate healthy communication, the beginning of restoration.
No matter what your betrayal...
Whether your marriage survives or not, whether your business partnership stays intact, whether your sister ever chooses to befriend you again, when you extend grace and mercy in these circumstances God imparts the gift of healing back to you. Even if that person never acknowledges the extent of pain he/she caused, you will be free. When you are free from the effects of betrayal that Satan would love you to embrace like bitterness, brokenness and the need for revenge, then constructive communication will naturally follow.
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About the author
Blossom Turner is an award-winning novelist, and a free-lance writer published in Chicken Soup and Kernels of Hope anthologies, and former newspaper columnist on health and fitness. A Word Guild semi-finalist for Anna's Secret, Katherine's Arrangement, Amelia’s Heartsong, and a Word Guild winner for Best Romance for Lucinda’s Defender. She has found her home in the writing of historical fiction but is open to wherever God leads. The many 5-star reviews attest to the power of love and romance authentically woven into the Shenandoah Bride Series about five sisters and their five love stories.
Blossom lives in British Columbia, Canada, with her husband, David, of forty years and their dog Lacey named after Lacey Spring, Virginia, where this series takes place. A former businesswoman, personal trainer, and mother of two grown children she is now pursuing her lifelong dream of writing full-time. A hopeless romantic at heart, she believes all story should give the reader significant entertainment value. However, her writing embodies the struggles of real life. She infuses the reality of suffering with the hope of Christ to give a healthy dose of relatable encouragement to her reader. Her desire is to leave the reader with a yearning to live for Christ on a deeper level, or at the very least, create a hunger to seek for more.
Co-author Suzie Zanewhich
Suzie is a certified life coach, leader of emotional health, and resource specialist. She has found her niche as a soul coach.
Suzie finds purpose in empowering individuals to move towards growth, healing, and alignment with their authentic self. Suzie is driven by a calling to live authentically, as the person God created her to be, to reach her fullest potential and lead others to do the same. Her passion is to help others find meaning through discovering their strengths, gifts, personality, temperament and core values.
Suzie is a life-long learner, continuously immersing herself in new courses to learn more about human behaviour, relationships, psychology, child development, emotions, trauma and healing. Because of her craving to always learn more she has earned the title of resource specialist in the area of self-discovery.
Suzie Zanewich lives with her husband in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She has a patchwork family of four grown children, two daughters, two sons and three granddaughters.
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