I AM IN SHOCK – WHAT NOW?
Though healing has long since taken place from that cold October day when I first found out about betrayal in my marriage, in looking back, the startling vacillation of emotions depicted within one journal entry never cease to amaze me. What a variety of responses: shock, disbelief, anger, bitter disappointment, sorrow, grief, self-pity, and even empathy. Depression followed to the point of craving death, with brief moments of strength and weakness sprinkled throughout. Tough questions rocked the foundation of my Christian faith.
I wish I could share a shortcut through this valley of pain, but I cannot. For a season nothing felt normal. Many times I felt near to an emotional breakdown. I could not sleep. I could not eat. I faded in and out of denial. Shock ruled. You may feel the same.
One of the first steps through the shock, was to face the truth that assaulted my fairy tale dreams of happily-ever-after. My husband loved me far too much to cheat, and furthermore, I was a great wife...wasn't I?
As I slugged my way through the messy, I slowly came to grips with the truth...life was less than idealistic, those who loved you could fail miserably and fairytale endings sometimes had dark detours.
However, an amazing truth stepped out of the world of Christian cliché. God’s promise to never leave or forsake became reality. When I cried out to God in my saddest and weakest moments, He was, there. I found His kind, calming presence over and over. I no longer speak these words tritely, but believe them with all my heart. He will do the same for you.
Don't be afraid to cry, scream, shout—God hears. You are not alone. This is all part of coming to terms with your reality. The first step in healing has begun when truth is faced head on.
AND...YES IT HURTS...A LOT!