I Want To Reflect His Love But...
God if you are the Sun, then I want to be the Moon!
A favorite song writer/singer of mine, Phil Wickham, wrote a song called “Sun and Moon,” with these amazing words referring to God…
"If you are the sun, then I want to be the moon,
I want to reflect the light that shines from you.”
These words conjure a depth of thinking within my soul that inspires yet drops me to my knees. I want to reflect God’s light, His goodness, His mercy and His love but some days it is really hard.
Taken back to that time of acute pain right after I found out about my husband’s betrayal in our marriage…I remember the struggle. I wanted to be a Christian one moment but then scream the next. This journal entry written a few weeks after disclosure reflects the insanity.
November 10th 2007
An ugly day.
The day played out like a bad hand, but rather than fold I kept right on playing.
Anger grew and ripened within me. I wrestled, stewed and fretted all day. An ugly feeling lingered on the edge of my mind as I tried to push back the nastiness. Finally like Mount St. Helens, I blew. Ugly doesn’t paint a grim enough picture.
Among many other things that should not have been said, I voiced how at I had been struggling with intense anger and sorrow all day to the point I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Then I admitted that I honestly did not think I could carry on in the marriage.
He did not argue.
I just caught a glimpse of myself as I walked by the mirror. My tear stained face, matted hair and puffy eyes are truly tragic in every sense of the word. I wonder who the fragile waif staring back at me is?
It's all so incredibly sad. ~
God has done amazing healing individually and in our marriage since that time. I share this personal reflection for the purpose of helping you realize that not all moments are pretty. God does not care. He loves us when we shine and reflect His love and when we behave like we are a moon smothered with black cloud.No matter what your betrayal, the depth of your anger today, or whether you have a marriage to restore or not, God has one commonality between all our life stories…He desires inner healing for each of us.
I live to proclaim…God heals the broken heart. Have hope in a brighter tomorrow.
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About the author
Blossom Turner is an award-winning novelist, and a free-lance writer published in Chicken Soup and Kernels of Hope anthologies, and former newspaper columnist on health and fitness. A Word Guild semi-finalist for Anna's Secret, Katherine's Arrangement, Amelia’s Heartsong, and a Word Guild winner for Best Romance for Lucinda’s Defender. She has found her home in the writing of historical fiction but is open to wherever God leads. The many 5-star reviews attest to the power of love and romance authentically woven into the Shenandoah Bride Series about five sisters and their five love stories.
Blossom lives in British Columbia, Canada, with her husband, David, of forty years and their dog Lacey named after Lacey Spring, Virginia, where this series takes place. A former businesswoman, personal trainer, and mother of two grown children she is now pursuing her lifelong dream of writing full-time. A hopeless romantic at heart, she believes all story should give the reader significant entertainment value. However, her writing embodies the struggles of real life. She infuses the reality of suffering with the hope of Christ to give a healthy dose of relatable encouragement to her reader. Her desire is to leave the reader with a yearning to live for Christ on a deeper level, or at the very least, create a hunger to seek for more.
Co-author Suzie Zanewhich
Suzie is a certified life coach, leader of emotional health, and resource specialist. She has found her niche as a soul coach.
Suzie finds purpose in empowering individuals to move towards growth, healing, and alignment with their authentic self. Suzie is driven by a calling to live authentically, as the person God created her to be, to reach her fullest potential and lead others to do the same. Her passion is to help others find meaning through discovering their strengths, gifts, personality, temperament and core values.
Suzie is a life-long learner, continuously immersing herself in new courses to learn more about human behaviour, relationships, psychology, child development, emotions, trauma and healing. Because of her craving to always learn more she has earned the title of resource specialist in the area of self-discovery.
Suzie Zanewich lives with her husband in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She has a patchwork family of four grown children, two daughters, two sons and three granddaughters.
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