I AM IN SHOCK – WHAT NOW?Though healing has long since taken place from that cold October day when I first found out about betrayal in my marriage, in looking back, the startling vacillation of emotions depicted within one journal entry never cease to amaze me. What a variety of responses: shock, disbelief, anger, bitter disappointment, sorrow, grief, self-pity, and even empathy. Depression follow...

SHOCK - HOW CAN THIS BE?A season of shock is expected after disclosure and is the first hurtle to jump after any type of betrayal is revealed. We feel betrayed because we believed that person incapable of their stunning behavior and their lack of concern for how it impacts our life.During my season of shock I faded in and out of reality. For a while I was in such pain, I could barely eat, sleep, o...

Without faith in the tough times...we bend and collapse under the weight of sorrow and disappointment. May this song bring hope to your soul and encouragement when you do not understand the circumstances of your life. For truly there are times when the "WHY" cannot be answered,the "WHEN" cannot be foretold ,and the "HOW" lies only in the power of God to sustain us.My prayer is that you have the fa...

Thanks to a rather blunt email I received regarding a recent blog, I have my topic for today. The topic involves the concept of taking control of one’s life and what that might look like.This reader who was obviously in deep pain caused from betrayal, asked me a few valid questions. Why would I open my life and speak freely on a very personal family matter (adultery)? Why would I broadcast and hum...

LAST WEEK I TOUCHED ON THE SUBJECT OF FORGIVENESS ... AND THE  CONCEPT OF FORGIVING AND FORGETTING...Today I will let an excellent song by Matthew West called "Forgiveness" minister to your broken heart and encourage your soul.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZIMy most fervent prayer for you, is that you understand the healing and peace that can come from one of the hardest disciplines...FO...

When I was in the thick of my sorrow, I hated this flippant remark said to me by some… “Well you will just have to forgive and forget.”My reaction was immediate and blunt. “I know the Bible says to forgive but show me where the Scripture says to forget?”A good friend of mine who had been through the trial of adultery herself called me on this very remark, she brought Jeremiah 31:34 to my attention...

Last week I touched on the subject of pain and suffering in this world and how we view difficulty. This week I will let Laura Story's excellent song called "Blessings" take the subject one step further. In her song she asks God a tough question, a question I agonized over. I wondered why I had to suffer and why God chose suffering (Jesus on the cross) to bring about salvation.  What was it about p...

IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE...REALLY?Today in church the pastor quoted  Jesus' words from  John 16:33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Then he added a quote from C.S. LewisWhat then can God do in our interests but make our own life less agreeable to us and take away the plausible...

CONFLICT... WITHIN THE FAMILY KIND OF  LIKE SNOW IN THE DESERT...IT JUST DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT!Conflict within the immediate and/or extended family slams into our life at one time or another. It hurts more when those we love turn away, or turn against. With friends we may feel betrayed, but don’t have the continual complexities of family functions that throw us together. In other words, it behooves ...

Find me a living soul who has escaped the grueling test of betrayal, and I will give you a soul that has yet begun to live. Betrayal in this fallen world hits us all too readily, be it from the hands of a mother, a father, a friend, a business partner, a son, a daughter, an extended family member, a pastor, a teacher, and on the list goes.There is no way to circumvent the free flowing pain of betr...

  Psalm 147:3 boldly proclaims, “He (Jesus) heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.”  Christmas holidays are beautiful unless…You find your life in crisis.At this time of year loss is amplified, it does not whisper, it screams. Loss does not carry muted shades of gray, but flows crimson red as if one bleeds from the heart.Loss strips color from our existence and demands we look...

Year 2007... the worst Christmas of my life.That October I had found out how my husband had betrayed our marriage and Christmas was nothing short of a colossal farce. No one knew the truth while I played the part of an actress that would rival the likes in Hollywood.I could barely find the will to live, let alone find rest or peace for my tortured soul. I knew I was falling…falling…falling into an...

We are approaching one of the happiest and one of the saddest times of year depending on your circumstances. This song is for the broken-hearted, the weary, the worn.If sorrow flows and pain cuts deeper than a winter wind; if it seems like God does not hear the cries of your heart and all dreams are lost...listen to this song. Soak in the truth of these words.JESUS says, I am the rest you need, I ...

When betrayed, attention from the opposite sex can be almost intoxicating and most definitively tempting. Sorry to burst that happy bubble or balloon with a pinprick of truth, but in doing so I may save you future grief and sorrow.  So here goes…If you want to have a happy future, it lies not in a new man, or woman, but in a decision to heal. I sum up this message on how to heal in an acronym.&nbs...

HEAL OR REPLACE?After the betrayal of adultery a decision will need to be made.Will you choose to replace your sorrow with another relationship or heal from the pain FIRST?This is a simple but complex question.Simple because there is only one logical answer…and that is to heal FIRST! If you don’t, no relationship will work, not restoration of your marriage, nor any other one.The decision is also c...

 I read Michael Hyatt’s blog almost daily. He normally educates on writing, leadership and public speaking but this day he veered off that path to a topic near and dear to my heart…How to avoid adultery.The following is part of his July 14, 2012 blog post called: What Are You Doing to Protect Your Marriage? | Michael Hyatt “Here are three actions I take in order to protect my marriage: I inve...

 This weekend I attended a ladies retreat; we had some designated time to spend with God outdoors to ask for revelation through the wonder of His creation.The first thing I spotted was a dirty feather covered in grit and sand. I passed it by.Meandering down to the lakeshore I surveyed the splendor far and wide. Though chilly and gray an ethereal mist flowed gently across the distant water. Su...

If you have been betrayed...your anger may surface over and over. Do not become disheartened, God will never leave or forsake you even if everyone else does. Healing from betrayal is a process. Give yourself the freedom of time.One of the ways God supplied help in my circumstance was to provide a Godly counselor. I had opportunity to pour out my anger without causing further damage to my marriage....

If Jesus could effectively express anger, as we concluded in last weeks blog, then there had to be a way to emulate His example. During my season of intense anger I desired to understand how to manage anger...God's way.I had much to learn...To be honest, I struggled. Though my husband had turned his life back to God and was trying desperately to restore our marriage, there were days I didn’t care....

ANGER SURGES...I believed I was a strong Christian woman who loved Jesus, but this current struggle with anger had me worried. Incredibly worried.Each time I thought of that adulterous woman and my husband together, my hands clenched into fists, my eyes filled with tears, and my nice Christian heart turned a shade blacker. My previously gentle personality now exuded something akin to hatred. A str...

If you have been following my blog, you may wonder where I have been? My intentions were to be gone a couple weeks for a holiday and then back writing once more. Sorry to anyone who actually missed me, but circumstances took over.The good news...the albatross on the highway, that noisy location we called home for the past 3 years finally sold! Thank you God. Someone who lived in the city actually ...

This is a beautiful song by Olivia Newton John on SURRENDER!When life sends circumstances you cannot "fix, medicate, or numb"... Let Go and Let God! This sounds so simple, but in actuality is very difficult. Forced through the crucible of suffering, I completely gave my life over to God and found the ticket to freedom. When I could no longer control anything, I found ultimate peace in everything.h...

“THESE THREE REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE. BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIVSo many of my blogs have alluded to the sorrow of infidelity in my marriage and I admire David’s courage in being so open and supportive in laying the intricacies of this failure before the world. Our soul purpose is the hope it will bring healing into the life of another hurting soul.In addressin...

Music played a good part in my healing. Though I have always loved music, for many long months I was too sad to sing. The voice of others filled that void as I just listened and absorbed the message.The following song by Mandisa called Broken Hallelujah is a song my husband found during my time of healing. He bought the CD for me with this song in mind. I will never forget his words... "Though I h...

LISTEN FOR THE STILL SMALL VOICE OF GOD IN THE MIDST OF ACUTE SADNESSThe following is a very personal journal entry written in the first few weeks after the disclosure of my husbands infidelity. I reveal it now to encourage you to listen. To stop all you are doing, to take a walk and listen for the voice of God in your circumstance. The Bible says the Holy Spirit will pray for us when we have no w...

THE FOLLOWING IS A SONG THAT DEEPLY IMPACTED A CHOICE I HAD TO MAKE IN ORDER TO LIVE OUT MY CHRISTIANITY, NOT JUST TALK ABOUT IT.I hope this song by Martina McBride inspires you, as it did me.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNe3z385T7k

FORGIVENESS IS A CONVOLUTED PROCESSWWII Nazi concentration camp survivor Corrie Ten Boom related her struggle on how she had chosen to forgive but remained unable to forget the wrong done to her. She kept reliving the incident in her mind to the point she could not sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help."God’s help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I co...

A PRAYER OF FORGIVENESS  LORD FOR TODAYGRANT ME BUT ONE GIFTTHE WILL TO GO ONTHE WILL TO LIFT,THIS INCESSANT PULLTO GIVE OUT REVENGE IN FULLGRANT  INSTEAD A WILLING HEARTTO RECEIVE THE GIFT YOU IMPARTFORGIVENESS, FORGIVENESSI NEED NO LESSTHEREFORE MUST GIVE NO LESSBlossom Turnerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxebOa-Facw

I have kept up the theme of forgiveness for the past few blogs for one purpose only...You! You are the reason God created the release of forgiveness, not to give the person who harmed you a free pass, but to set you the wounded one FREE! Free from bitterness. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, ...

Peacemaker or Doormat?  This remains a question of perspective. The following photo depicts this anomaly.                                                                                                        Fall or free fall? You decide. During my healing process I often journaled my pain. At times God would bring revelation and understanding. Here is one such entry… August 24, 2008Today th...

Today I decided to list a few of my favorite quotes...hope you find them inspirational.   Love "People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."-John Harrison   Gratitude In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.- Dietrich Bonhoeffer What You Believe You can live opposite ...

Is Revenge Really Sweet, Or Does It Torment The Soul? When betrayal hits ones life, the last thing considered in the heat of the moment is forgiveness! In fact, revenge flows instinctively. The moment I heard the truth, a surge of anger burned hot and ugly.I remember driving my car to the other woman’s house with only one thought in mind. I was not going to be the only one in pain. For the first t...

There is therapeutic value in releasing pain. The following is a positive example on how to do this.When in the midst of my personal storm, our pastor gave a sermon on the fact the Bible does not skirt around the issue of disappointment and sorrow. He invited all those who were in pain to take time to read the Psalms, Job, Lamentations and find comfort that though life was hard, God was present. H...

Mandisa wrote and sung a very inspiring song that really helped me during my healing process. I pray this song will minister to your broken heart as it did to mine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyy7K0e__x4

I had to ask myself this hard question. Can I love David after betrayal in our marriage?In answering this question I had to look at what love truly is.It is not the Hollywood fairytale rendition. After all if Hollywood and all its cream of the crop actors and actresses had the answers to love, there would not be endless betrayal and divorce among their ranks.So let’s throw out all preconceived ide...

Two months after the truth of betrayal in my marriage, I wrote these words in my journal.  January 20, 2007 Do I love him?I can’t lie to myself. How can I say I love David when loving a husband means I respect him, I’m proud of him, I want to protect his name, I trust him… and not one of these qualities are present? There is a conflict that rages within…One of years together, good memories, raisin...

This video is graphic using scenes from the Passion of Christ, but it powerfully displays the fact God not only understands our betrayal but will heal our pain.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7psceANMWgwThank you Jeremy Camp for using your gifts and talent to honor God with this song.

Are we there yet? A couple months after the truth came out about David’s infidelity he asked me a question in our counseling session. How far are you along in the healing process?In truth I wanted to bob him, I felt about as healed as a gangrene infected wound. How could he even broach that subject?The following journal entry tells the story.January 30, 2007 David was visibly saddened in counselin...

A Little Wind In The Sail. Life has been crazy busy. Work eats up many hours of the day, and duties at home even more. I feel stretched and pulled in directions I never thought possible.My devotions are hurried. My physical exercise depleted. The church clambers for volunteer time and my family who is the most important of all, deserves more commitment.Like an elephant on a tightrope, I balance th...

 “He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it.” Turkish Proverb Much like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz...I just wanted to find my way home. The grief that consumed me, felt unnatural, unreal...like a bad dream.Grief is expected when someone dies, but rarely considered in other circumstances. Yet every person who experiences betrayal of any sort, must grieve in order to heal. It took me a...

When Clouds Roll In - When Life is Hard... The other day at work I generically threw out my token, how are you today?“I hate that question.” The customer barked.One look told me he was not joking.In that moment I was given the opportunity to react in one of two ways:One, determine that he was a grouch and make a quick exit or…Read between the lines and realize there was far more to his story than ...

Happy Canada Day! Happy Fourth of July!  Canada, United States, Australia...where ever we live, if we have the privilege to speak, write and worship in freedom, we are blessed.For those of you who can barely manage life…and celebration of any sort is difficult, please read Wednesday’s upcoming blog.For today, I need to rest. To laugh. To have fun in the sun, so excuse my short conversational ...

Blessed Be His Name - Always? My husband and I married with dreams of going into the ministry, but merely two years later, through a set of difficult circumstances my husband turned away from God.  Subsequently I prayed for the next twenty-three years for his return to faith. Just after our twenty fifth wedding anniversary I learned of his affair.Did I ever imagine years of prayer would culminate ...

Journal your pain. When I was in the midst of the worst of the worst I found the practice of journaling much like Aloe Vera on a raging sun burn…it cooled and soothed. Betrayal hit my life from different angles—adultery in my marriage, a prayer partner who could not keep this confidential and a business partner who took our money and ran. A life so wonderful one moment, unraveled completely in the...

When giving thanks feels near impossible...WHY BOTHER? A book entitled One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp has beautifully epitomized the power found in taking the time to be thankful. I highly recommend this read.Interestingly enough, this book reinforced a concept God had taught me some years earlier.I understand fully how difficult it may be to give thanks in the midst of sorrow, but I also want ...

A Journal Entry Here is a journal entry a year after finding out about betrayal in my marriage. I had come a long way, but the healing was not yet complete.If you have ever wondered how God speaks to us in this day and age, here is a wonderful example. God, through His Word, spoke on a day I really needed to hear His voice and receive encouragement and wisdom. October 4, 2008 I woke up early and m...

Can you see the wind? Today I went for a walk. Not because I needed one after a crazy busy workday, but because my dog Lyla did.A simple truth blew across my mind. God is much like the unseen force of the wind.I could not see the gale that ripped up through the valley, but I could feel it. My hair streamed behind and whipped back across my face as I turned my head to throw the ball for Lyla.The wa...

Life most definitely has a little Snap, Crackle and Pop. I’ve got the snap thing going on all too well. I come home exhausted from an over-time shift and all I want to do is snap at anyone that gets in my way of that couch.The crackle, or the crack in an otherwise sparkling façade, or the fact I’m over-loaded on the verge of cracking up…all fit.Pop-that’s the part of me that feels like I have soda...

HERE IS A BEAUTIFUL PRAYER TO PRAY WHEN YOU ARE WEARY, WORN AND WORDLESS Written by St. Francis of Assisi      Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;Where there is hatred, let me sow love;Where there is injury, pardon;Where there is doubt, faith;Where there is despair, hope;Where there is darkness, light;And where there is sadness, joy.O Divine Master,Grant that I ...

God if you are the Sun, then I want to be the Moon! A favorite song writer/singer of mine, Phil Wickham, wrote a song called “Sun and Moon,” with these amazing words referring to God… "If you are the sun, then I want to be the moon,I want to reflect the light that shines from you.” These words conjure a depth of thinking within my soul that inspires yet drops me to my knees. I want to reflect...