“Health is a large word. It embraces not the body only, but the mind and spirit as well;…and not today’s pain or pleasure alone, but the whole being and outlook of a man.”~James H. West[i]Betrayal at any level places a lot of stress on the body. In order to stay healthy during these times, physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care is essential. This is easy to overlook, but crucial to your heal...

Journal Entry August 18, 2008 What to do with this thing called pride? It’s so demoralizing to face the fact that I wasn’t enough to keep my husband happy. I want to change my body, change my life and change my address. Instead God asks me to stay and work through the wreckage.This pride prickles beneath the skin, with Satan only too happy to poke away reminding me “of what people will think.” At ...

Interview with Elin Nordegren, now ex-wife of Tiger Woods.“The divorce came nine months after Tiger Woods' early morning car crash late last November led to revelations that he had been cheating on his wife of six years with multiple partners. Before Wednesday, Elin Nordegren had remained silent about the massive sex scandal that embroiled their lives and led to Woods dropping off the golf circuit...

 Here is a song when you are too burdened to sing. May this beautiful gift of music by Chris Tomlin bless and give you hope enough to let your faith arise.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY And to all you fellow Canadians...Happy Canada Day. May we thank the Lord for the many blessings we enjoy in this beautiful country we call home.Below are some of my favorite Canadian Flag pho...

After a speaking engagement this past week, I have talked to numerous ladies about this very thing - huge life disappointments.I too am currently in the midst of a big disappointment. After a number of years of my husband looking for work or a new business, we finally jumped in. The business we bought has turned out to be all consuming. There are major problems to fix. What we were told, is not wh...

Last week I started a journal entry on how challenging communication is after betrayal...If you are just joining my blog please read last week first.JOURNAL CONTINUATION...The minute we got home, we both went our separate ways. Sleep evaded me so I opted to pray instead. It was one of those times the Spirit of God felt close.“What God? I cried into the darkness. "Can’t I just go to sleep and never...

COMMUNICATION: WE CAN’T TALK WITHOUT FIGHTING!In the next few weeks I will write how difficult communication was after the damage of infidelity. I include this very personal journal entry for two reasons: to share honesty the damage done, and to give hope that healing is possible. Whether you choose to stay in the marriage or leave, healthy communication is essential especially if children are inv...

I have been working 12 hour days, six days a week and Sunday is my only day to unwind, schedule nothing, and as I wrote last week – BREATHE. I have to say since we bought this business, Sunday’s have never been more precious.Then…A friend calls!She needs immediate help. She is in crisis.My first reaction deep within, in that place no one sees but God, was reluctance. I just didn’t have time.I imme...

WHEN LIFE IS TOO BUSY TO BREATHEI have been working tirelessly at a new business my husband and I recently acquired. Too many hours in a day demanded. Too many days of the week spent. Too many weeks of the year evaporate into thin air. Gone!So today I decided to purposefully take time to reflect, to ponder, to quiet my racing soul. For the stress levels were rising and my spirit felt disjointed an...

I titled this picture "Alone on the Edge"Do you feel alone, afraid, uncertain of your future? Do you feel sad, torn, tortured? Like this tree battling the elements without the comfort of a forest, there is a way to stay strong and tenacious in the midst of turmoil. I encourage you with these simple words of truth.YOU ARE NOT ALONEGOD CARESHE SEES EACH FALLING TEARHE HOLDS EACH TORTURED MOMENT CRAD...

Sometimes waters rise to the point you feel you may drown.For many months I could not sing, forced a fake smile upon my lips and when alone...I cried an ocean.Music left me.My voice grew silent.Thankfully my ears still  found solace and comfort in listening to words of encouragement through song.So dear friend... if you find yourself in that place where waters run deep and all there is left in lif...

DECISION-MAKINGBefore infidelity happened in my marriage, I believed as most do, that the transgressor deserves all he or she gets, including divorce papers. Furthering this mindset was the fact I had repeatedly warned David infidelity would be a deal breaker. I was adamant that there would be no mercy for such disgraceful disrespect, especially considering what I had seen as a child.Splashed on t...

GRIEFCOUNT THE LOSSThe risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief-But the pain of grief is only a shadowWhen compared with the pain of never risking love~Hilary Stanton Zunin“To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.”~Erich Fromm~ IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS DIED“Job opened his mou...

Why have a relationship with God? When times are good a thanks into the heavens is enough, isn't it?When times turn tough, what then?Do we blame God for our circumstances? Does our belief in God fade away? Like the house built upon the sand will the storm blast in and wash our weak foundational faith out to sea where all that remains is grit, salty tears and bitterness?Or...do we choose to pursue ...

I AM IN SHOCK – WHAT NOW?Though healing has long since taken place from that cold October day when I first found out about betrayal in my marriage, in looking back, the startling vacillation of emotions depicted within one journal entry never cease to amaze me. What a variety of responses: shock, disbelief, anger, bitter disappointment, sorrow, grief, self-pity, and even empathy. Depression follow...

SHOCK - HOW CAN THIS BE?A season of shock is expected after disclosure and is the first hurtle to jump after any type of betrayal is revealed. We feel betrayed because we believed that person incapable of their stunning behavior and their lack of concern for how it impacts our life.During my season of shock I faded in and out of reality. For a while I was in such pain, I could barely eat, sleep, o...

Without faith in the tough times...we bend and collapse under the weight of sorrow and disappointment. May this song bring hope to your soul and encouragement when you do not understand the circumstances of your life.For truly there are times when the "WHY" cannot be answered,the "WHEN" cannot be foretold ,and the "HOW" lies only in the power of God to sustain us.My prayer is that you have the fai...

Thanks to a rather blunt email I received regarding a recent blog, I have my topic for today.The topic involves the concept of taking control of one’s life and what that might look like.This reader who was obviously in deep pain caused from betrayal, asked me a few valid questions. Why would I open my life and speak freely on a very personal family matter (adultery)? Why would I broadcast and humi...

LAST WEEK I TOUCHED ON THE SUBJECT OF FORGIVENESS ... AND THE  CONCEPT OF FORGIVING AND FORGETTING...Today I will let an excellent song by Matthew West called "Forgiveness" minister to your broken heart and encourage your soul.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZIMy most fervent prayer for you, is that you understand the healing and peace that can come from one of the hardest disciplines...FO...

When I was in the thick of my sorrow, I hated this flippant remark said to me by some… “Well you will just have to forgive and forget.”My reaction was immediate and blunt. “I know the Bible says to forgive but show me where the Scripture says to forget?”A good friend of mine who had been through the trial of adultery herself called me on this very remark, she brought Jeremiah 31:34 to my attention...

Last week I touched on the subject of pain and suffering in this world and how we view difficulty. This week I will let Laura Story's excellent song called "Blessings" take the subject one step further. In her song she asks God a tough question, a question I agonized over. I wondered why I had to suffer and why God chose suffering (Jesus on the cross) to bring about salvation.  What was it about p...

IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE...REALLY?Today in church the pastor quoted  Jesus' words from  John 16:33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Then he added a quote from C.S. LewisWhat then can God do in our interests but make our own life less agreeable to us and take away the plausible...

CONFLICT... WITHIN THE FAMILYKIND OF  LIKE SNOW IN THE DESERT...IT JUST DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT!Conflict within the immediate and/or extended family slams into our life at one time or another. It hurts more when those we love turn away, or turn against. With friends we may feel betrayed, but don’t have the continual complexities of family functions that throw us together. In other words, it behooves u...

Find me a living soul who has escaped the grueling test of betrayal, and I will give you a soul that has yet begun to live.Betrayal in this fallen world hits us all too readily, be it from the hands of a mother, a father, a friend, a business partner, a son, a daughter, an extended family member, a pastor, a teacher, and on the list goes.There is no way to circumvent the free flowing pain of betra...

 Psalm 147:3 boldly proclaims, “He (Jesus) heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.” Christmas holidays are beautiful unless…You find your life in crisis.At this time of year loss is amplified, it does not whisper, it screams. Loss does not carry muted shades of gray, but flows crimson red as if one bleeds from the heart.Loss strips color from our existence and demands we look t...

Year 2007... the worst Christmas of my life.That October I had found out how my husband had betrayed our marriage and Christmas was nothing short of a colossal farce. No one knew the truth while I played the part of an actress that would rival the likes in Hollywood.I could barely find the will to live, let alone find rest or peace for my tortured soul. I knew I was falling…falling…falling into an...

We are approaching one of the happiest and one of the saddest times of year depending on your circumstances. This song is for the broken-hearted, the weary, the worn.If sorrow flows and pain cuts deeper than a winter wind; if it seems like God does not hear the cries of your heart and all dreams are lost...listen to this song. Soak in the truth of these words.JESUS says, I am the rest you need, I ...

When betrayed, attention from the opposite sex can be almost intoxicating and most definitively tempting. Sorry to burst that happy bubble or balloon with a pinprick of truth, but in doing so I may save you future grief and sorrow.  So here goes…If you want to have a happy future, it lies not in a new man, or woman, but in a decision to heal. I sum up this message on how to heal in an acronym.&nbs...

HEAL OR REPLACE?After the betrayal of adultery a decision will need to be made.Will you choose to replace your sorrow with another relationship or heal from the pain FIRST?This is a simple but complex question.Simple because there is only one logical answer…and that is to heal FIRST! If you don’t, no relationship will work, not restoration of your marriage, nor any other one.The decision is also c...

 I read Michael Hyatt’s blog almost daily. He normally educates on writing, leadership and public speaking but this day he veered off that path to a topic near and dear to my heart…How to avoid adultery.The following is part of his July 14, 2012 blog post called: What Are You Doing to Protect Your Marriage? | Michael Hyatt “Here are three actions I take in order to protect my marriage: I inve...

 This weekend I attended a ladies retreat; we had some designated time to spend with God outdoors to ask for revelation through the wonder of His creation.The first thing I spotted was a dirty feather covered in grit and sand. I passed it by.Meandering down to the lakeshore I surveyed the splendor far and wide. Though chilly and gray an ethereal mist flowed gently across the distant water. Su...

If you have been betrayed...your anger may surface over and over.Do not become disheartened, God will never leave or forsake you even if everyone else does. Healing from betrayal is a process. Give yourself the freedom of time.One of the ways God supplied help in my circumstance was to provide a Godly counselor. I had opportunity to pour out my anger without causing further damage to my marriage. ...

If Jesus could effectively express anger, as we concluded in last weeks blog, then there had to be a way to emulate His example. During my season of intense anger I desired to understand how to manage anger...God's way.I had much to learn...To be honest, I struggled. Though my husband had turned his life back to God and was trying desperately to restore our marriage, there were days I didn’t care....

ANGER SURGES...I believed I was a strong Christian woman who loved Jesus, but this current struggle with anger had me worried. Incredibly worried.Each time I thought of that adulterous woman and my husband together, my hands clenched into fists, my eyes filled with tears, and my nice Christian heart turned a shade blacker. My previously gentle personality now exuded something akin to hatred. A str...

If you have been following my blog, you may wonder where I have been? My intentions were to be gone a couple weeks for a holiday and then back writing once more. Sorry to anyone who actually missed me, but circumstances took over.The good news...the albatross on the highway, that noisy location we called home for the past 3 years finally sold! Thank you God. Someone who lived in the city actually ...

This is a beautiful song by Olivia Newton John on SURRENDER!When life sends circumstances you cannot "fix, medicate, or numb"... Let Go and Let God! This sounds so simple, but in actuality is very difficult. Forced through the crucible of suffering, I completely gave my life over to God and found the ticket to freedom. When I could no longer control anything, I found ultimate peace in everything.h...

“THESE THREE REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE. BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIVSo many of my blogs have alluded to the sorrow of infidelity in my marriage and I admire David’s courage in being so open and supportive in laying the intricacies of this failure before the world. Our soul purpose is the hope it will bring healing into the life of another hurting soul.In addressin...

Music played a good part in my healing. Though I have always loved music, for many long months I was too sad to sing. The voice of others filled that void as I just listened and absorbed the message.The following song by Mandisa called Broken Hallelujah is a song my husband found during my time of healing. He bought the CD for me with this song in mind. I will never forget his words... "Though I h...

LISTEN FOR THE STILL SMALL VOICE OF GOD IN THE MIDST OF ACUTE SADNESSThe following is a very personal journal entry written in the first few weeks after the disclosure of my husbands infidelity. I reveal it now to encourage you to listen. To stop all you are doing, to take a walk and listen for the voice of God in your circumstance. The Bible says the Holy Spirit will pray for us when we have no w...

THE FOLLOWING IS A SONG THAT DEEPLY IMPACTED A CHOICE I HAD TO MAKE IN ORDER TO LIVE OUT MY CHRISTIANITY, NOT JUST TALK ABOUT IT.I hope this song by Martina McBride inspires you, as it did me.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNe3z385T7k

FORGIVENESS IS A CONVOLUTED PROCESSWWII Nazi concentration camp survivor Corrie Ten Boom related her struggle on how she had chosen to forgive but remained unable to forget the wrong done to her. She kept reliving the incident in her mind to the point she could not sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help."God’s help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I co...

A PRAYER OF FORGIVENESS LORD FOR TODAYGRANT ME BUT ONE GIFTTHE WILL TO GO ONTHE WILL TO LIFT,THIS INCESSANT PULLTO GIVE OUT REVENGE IN FULLGRANT  INSTEAD A WILLING HEARTTO RECEIVE THE GIFT YOU IMPARTFORGIVENESS, FORGIVENESSI NEED NO LESSTHEREFORE MUST GIVE NO LESSBlossom Turnerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxebOa-Facw

I have kept up the theme of forgiveness for the past few blogs for one purpose only...You!You are the reason God created the release of forgiveness, not to give the person who harmed you a free pass, but to set you the wounded one FREE!Free from bitterness. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, fo...

Peacemaker or Doormat?  This remains a question of perspective. The following photo depicts this anomaly.                                                                                                        Fall or free fall? You decide. During my healing process I often journaled my pain. At times God would bring revelation and understanding. Here is one such entry… August 24, 2008Today th...

Today I decided to list a few of my favorite quotes...hope you find them inspirational. Love"People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."-John Harrison  GratitudeIn ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.- Dietrich BonhoefferWhat You BelieveYou can live opposite of what...

Is Revenge Really Sweet, Or Does It Torment The Soul?When betrayal hits ones life, the last thing considered in the heat of the moment is forgiveness! In fact, revenge flows instinctively. The moment I heard the truth, a surge of anger burned hot and ugly.I remember driving my car to the other woman’s house with only one thought in mind. I was not going to be the only one in pain. For the first ti...

There is therapeutic value in releasing pain.The following is a positive example on how to do this.When in the midst of my personal storm, our pastor gave a sermon on the fact the Bible does not skirt around the issue of disappointment and sorrow. He invited all those who were in pain to take time to read the Psalms, Job, Lamentations and find comfort that though life was hard, God was present. He...

Mandisa wrote and sung a very inspiring song that really helped me during my healing process. I pray this song will minister to your broken heart as it did to mine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyy7K0e__x4

I had to ask myself this hard question. Can I love David after betrayal in our marriage?In answering this question I had to look at what love truly is.It is not the Hollywood fairytale rendition. After all if Hollywood and all its cream of the crop actors and actresses had the answers to love, there would not be endless betrayal and divorce among their ranks.So let’s throw out all preconceived ide...

Two months after the truth of betrayal in my marriage,I wrote these words in my journal. January 20, 2007 Do I love him?I can’t lie to myself. How can I say I love David when loving a husband means I respect him, I’m proud of him, I want to protect his name, I trust him… and not one of these qualities are present? There is a conflict that rages within…One of years together, good memories, raising ...