FOR THE NEXT NUMBER OF WEEKS I AM GOING TO FOLLOW THROUGH A  CHAPTER OF MY BOOK DEALING PRIMARILY WITH SPIRITUAL HEALING  AND HOW TO BELIEVE IN A GOOD GOD WHEN LIFE IS NOT GOOD. SOMETIMES A BREAK IS NECESSARY—CREATE TIME, SPACE, EVEN DISTANCE That first year after disclosure, passed in a daze. I worked through the shock first November through March. In April  I moved out of our home into my own ap...

The holidays come with expectations rarely met. The Hallmark commercials, the Christmas movies and carols ring out… “ Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore, faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more… City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, people laughing, people passing, meeting smile after smile… It's the most wonderful time of the year,...

If you have not read last weeks entry, this week will not make much sense, so please read that first. (Go to the bottom and click on Previous Post.) The whole objective here is to paint a before and after picture. It is to give hope to those suffering from the pain of betrayal this Christmas believing they will forever be changed for the worst. This is not the case when God heals the broken heart....

Dear Reader, Sorry I have not been available the past few weeks, we received a much needed holiday and rest. I came back feeling re-energized, re-focused and  refreshed. However, from past experience, I know the pain of betrayal does not take a holiday. Thus, the next two weeks before Christmas, I will depict a before and after scenario...the pain I felt that first Christmas, and the healing that ...

I read an article in the paper today from “Annie’s Mailbox,” entitled “Trust Is Hard To Earn After Partner’s Affair. I just wanted to hug this dear woman who signed herself as “Broken in Omaha” and assure her there is hope of healing. She had none. She had chosen to stay in the marriage after her husband’s affair, but describes herself today as one who is broken and cannot heal. “It is the most pa...

When a couple marries the dream is this…a life-time of love and support. Rarely do people marry with the thought of divorce, except for those previously jaded. Every little girl dreams of a flowing white dress, and then sailing off into the sunset with a man who will love, protect and cherish her as the most special woman in the world. Likewise, she will respect and honor him in return. Fast forwa...

Firstly, I want to thank those who spared the time to write and encourage me onward. It is encouraging to know there are those receiving help and hope in reading this blog, and in dealing with betrayal. Now I want to tell you a little story…a true story. At a Sunday dinner, my adult daughter casually blurts out that she had ran into the woman who had an affair with my husband. (My children knew he...

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?   Time is a precious commodity…a gift. Sadly my life has taken a turn I never asked for, nor wanted, and days fly by in stolen fashion. The business we bought sucks the life out of us and eats up a large portion of our day. We are caught in a vortex much like I would imagine the black hole in space…(a region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no ...

DOES PRAYER WORK? To be honest, I had misgivings regarding the validity of prayer after I found out about adultery in my marriage. I could not believe where I found my life after so many years of praying. I wondered what good they had accomplished? I asked God some tough questions. I wanted to know how it all worked. If God would not answer my heart-felt prayers because my husband had the free wil...

  This is a song for all those suffering...write to me and I promise I will pray for you. Though Jesus has healed the broken, I will never forget the pain...never cease to understand. My mandate from Jesus is to show love, give hope and pray for all of you walking the road of betrayal. Listen to this song done by the Gaither Vocal Band and have hope... http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xwoscl_...

Verbal and emotional abuse is one of the hardest types of abuse to recognize…most people understand physical abuse, however emotional abuse can be disguised in a plethora of ways but equally as damaging.  So I thought it best to start with the definition of abuse before tackling the subject of extending grace. Abuse is defined in the dictionary as… 1) To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse...

Depression can creep into the soul unaware. Sad happenings tend to invite this beast. Suddenly you wake up and find the darkness overwhelming, all joy stolen. You turn the light on, but the gloom does not lift. The sun rises, but there is no warmth. Sadness demands not just a portion of your life, but life itself. With depression edging in, my physician asked some pertinent questions and carefully...

COMMIT TO A WEEKLY PAMPER I know it’s strange to think of pampering oneself in the midst of crisis, but it has a definite cathartic benefit. Your reserves are low, your immune system is taxed due to stress, and your body is physically struggling to maintain health. A weekly massage, bubble bath with relaxing therapeutic oils, lunch out with a good friend, or taking time to read an encouraging book...

THE IMPORTANCE OF A HEALTHY DIET I am not a certified nutritionist, but as a Personal Trainer have taken numerous courses on this subject. Choosing to eat healthy is important during times of high stress. Many of us will do the opposite and turn to comfort foods (high in sodium, sugar and fat) or not eat at all. Both scenarios are destructive over time. For the first few months after disclosure I ...

FIND A GOOD COUNSELOR Preserving emotional health during your time of crisis involves reaching out for help. As with the old adage, it takes a village to raise a child, so it is with emotional healing. This is not something you should tackle alone. Isolation creates problems. It may prove difficult finding positive avenues of support, but it is crucial. Consider talking to a pastor, certified coun...

I have had numerous positive responses to my blog and few negatives, but this negative response got me thinking... I had of course received my husband and adult children's blessing  before ever starting such a web site and it was for the very love of God and love of people I opened a very personal struggle up to the public. Sadly when we were in the midst of our pain we were shocked to find little...

SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND A VISIT TO THE PHYSICIAN Journal Entry February 19, 2008 I had another wretched sleep last night and wonder how I’ll go on at this rate. I long for those nights of endless slumber where sleep was sweet and not tortured. The fact my emotions are all over the map and I feel like I’m going nuts may be related to sleep deprivation as readily as my hellish existence. Prior to reve...

“Health is a large word. It embraces not the body only, but the mind and spirit as well;…and not today’s pain or pleasure alone, but the whole being and outlook of a man.” ~James H. West [i] Betrayal at any level places a lot of stress on the body. In order to stay healthy during these times, physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care is essential. This is easy to overlook, but crucial to your h...

Journal Entry  August 18, 2008 What to do with this thing called pride? It’s so demoralizing to face the fact that I wasn’t enough to keep my husband happy. I want to change my body, change my life and change my address. Instead God asks me to stay and work through the wreckage. This pride prickles beneath the skin, with Satan only too happy to poke away reminding me “of what people will think.” A...

Interview with Elin Nordegren, now ex-wife of Tiger Woods. “The divorce came nine months after Tiger Woods' early morning car crash late last November led to revelations that he had been cheating on his wife of six years with multiple partners. Before Wednesday, Elin Nordegren had remained silent about the massive sex scandal that embroiled their lives and led to Woods dropping off the golf circui...

  Here is a song when you are too burdened to sing. May this beautiful gift of music by Chris Tomlin bless and give you hope enough to let your faith arise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY   And to all you fellow Canadians...Happy Canada Day. May we thank the Lord for the many blessings we enjoy in this beautiful country we call home. Below are some of my favorite Canadian Fla...

After a speaking engagement this past week, I have talked to numerous ladies about this very thing - huge life disappointments. I too am currently in the midst of a big disappointment. After a number of years of my husband looking for work or a new business, we finally jumped in. The business we bought has turned out to be all consuming. There are major problems to fix. What we were told, is not w...

Last week I started a journal entry on how challenging communication is after betrayal...If you are just joining my blog please read last week first. JOURNAL CONTINUATION... The minute we got home, we both went our separate ways. Sleep evaded me so I opted to pray instead. It was one of those times the Spirit of God felt close. “What God? I cried into the darkness. "Can’t I just go to sleep and ne...

COMMUNICATION: WE CAN’T TALK WITHOUT FIGHTING! In the next few weeks I will write how difficult communication was after the damage of infidelity. I include this very personal journal entry for two reasons: to share honesty the damage done, and to give hope that healing is possible. Whether you choose to stay in the marriage or leave, healthy communication is essential especially if children are in...

I have been working 12 hour days, six days a week and Sunday is my only day to unwind, schedule nothing, and as I wrote last week – BREATHE. I have to say since we bought this business, Sunday’s have never been more precious. Then… A friend calls! She needs immediate help. She is in crisis. My first reaction deep within, in that place no one sees but God, was reluctance. I just didn’t have time. I...

WHEN LIFE IS TOO BUSY TO BREATHE I have been working tirelessly at a new business my husband and I recently acquired. Too many hours in a day demanded. Too many days of the week spent. Too many weeks of the year evaporate into thin air. Gone! So today I decided to purposefully take time to reflect, to ponder, to quiet my racing soul. For the stress levels were rising and my spirit felt disjointed ...

I titled this picture "Alone on the Edge" Do you feel alone, afraid, uncertain of your future? Do you feel sad, torn, tortured? Like this tree battling the elements without the comfort of a forest, there is a way to stay strong and tenacious in the midst of turmoil. I encourage you with these simple words of truth. YOU ARE NOT ALONE GOD CARES HE SEES EACH FALLING TEAR HE HOLDS EACH TORTURED MOMENT...

Sometimes waters rise to the point you feel you may drown. For many months I could not sing, forced a fake smile upon my lips and when alone...I cried an ocean. Music left me. My voice grew silent. Thankfully my ears still  found solace and comfort in listening to words of encouragement through song. So dear friend... if you find yourself in that place where waters run deep and all there is left i...

DECISION-MAKING Before infidelity happened in my marriage, I believed as most do, that the transgressor deserves all he or she gets, including divorce papers. Furthering this mindset was the fact I had repeatedly warned David infidelity would be a deal breaker. I was adamant that there would be no mercy for such disgraceful disrespect, especially considering what I had seen as a child. Splashed on...

GRIEF COUNT THE LOSS The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief- But the pain of grief is only a shadow When compared with the pain of never risking love ~Hilary Stanton Zunin “To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.” ~Erich Fromm~   IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS DIED “Job open...

Why have a relationship with God? When times are good a thanks into the heavens is enough, isn't it? When times turn tough, what then?Do we blame God for our circumstances? Does our belief in God fade away? Like the house built upon the sand will the storm blast in and wash our weak foundational faith out to sea where all that remains is grit, salty tears and bitterness? Or...do we choose to pursu...

I AM IN SHOCK – WHAT NOW? Though healing has long since taken place from that cold October day when I first found out about betrayal in my marriage, in looking back, the startling vacillation of emotions depicted within one journal entry never cease to amaze me. What a variety of responses: shock, disbelief, anger, bitter disappointment, sorrow, grief, self-pity, and even empathy. Depression follo...

SHOCK - HOW CAN THIS BE? A season of shock is expected after disclosure and is the first hurtle to jump after any type of betrayal is revealed. We feel betrayed because we believed that person incapable of their stunning behavior and their lack of concern for how it impacts our life. During my season of shock I faded in and out of reality. For a while I was in such pain, I could barely eat, sleep,...

Without faith in the tough times...we bend and collapse under the weight of sorrow and disappointment. May this song bring hope to your soul and encouragement when you do not understand the circumstances of your life. For truly there are times when the "WHY" cannot be answered, the "WHEN" cannot be foretold , and the "HOW" lies only in the power of God to sustain us. My prayer is that you have the...

Thanks to a rather blunt email I received regarding a recent blog, I have my topic for today. The topic involves the concept of taking control of one’s life and what that might look like. This reader who was obviously in deep pain caused from betrayal, asked me a few valid questions. Why would I open my life and speak freely on a very personal family matter (adultery)? Why would I broadcast and hu...

LAST WEEK I TOUCHED ON THE SUBJECT OF FORGIVENESS ... AND THE  CONCEPT OF FORGIVING AND FORGETTING...Today I will let an excellent song by Matthew West called "Forgiveness" minister to your broken heart and encourage your soul. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI My most fervent prayer for you, is that you understand the healing and peace that can come from one of the hardest disciplines......

When I was in the thick of my sorrow, I hated this flippant remark said to me by some… “Well you will just have to forgive and forget.” My reaction was immediate and blunt. “I know the Bible says to forgive but show me where the Scripture says to forget?” A good friend of mine who had been through the trial of adultery herself called me on this very remark, she brought Jeremiah 31:34 to my attenti...

Last week I touched on the subject of pain and suffering in this world and how we view difficulty. This week I will let Laura Story's excellent song called "Blessings" take the subject one step further. In her song she asks God a tough question, a question I agonized over. I wondered why I had to suffer and why God chose suffering (Jesus on the cross) to bring about salvation.  What was it about p...

IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE...REALLY? Today in church the pastor quoted  Jesus' words from  John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”   Then he added a quote from C.S. Lewis What then can God do in our interests but make our own life less agreeable to us and take away the plau...

CONFLICT... WITHIN THE FAMILY KIND OF  LIKE SNOW IN THE DESERT...IT JUST DOES NOT SEEM RIGHT! Conflict within the immediate and/or extended family slams into our life at one time or another. It hurts more when those we love turn away, or turn against. With friends we may feel betrayed, but don’t have the continual complexities of family functions that throw us together. In other words, it behooves...

Find me a living soul who has escaped the grueling test of betrayal, and I will give you a soul that has yet begun to live. Betrayal in this fallen world hits us all too readily, be it from the hands of a mother, a father, a friend, a business partner, a son, a daughter, an extended family member, a pastor, a teacher, and on the list goes. There is no way to circumvent the free flowing pain of bet...

  Psalm 147:3 boldly proclaims, “He (Jesus) heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.”   Christmas holidays are beautiful unless… You find your life in crisis. At this time of year loss is amplified, it does not whisper, it screams. Loss does not carry muted shades of gray, but flows crimson red as if one bleeds from the heart. Loss strips color from our existence and demands we ...

Year 2007... the worst Christmas of my life. That October I had found out how my husband had betrayed our marriage and Christmas was nothing short of a colossal farce. No one knew the truth while I played the part of an actress that would rival the likes in Hollywood. I could barely find the will to live, let alone find rest or peace for my tortured soul. I knew I was falling…falling…falling into ...

We are approaching one of the happiest and one of the saddest times of year depending on your circumstances. This song is for the broken-hearted, the weary, the worn. If sorrow flows and pain cuts deeper than a winter wind; if it seems like God does not hear the cries of your heart and all dreams are lost...listen to this song. Soak in the truth of these words. JESUS says, I am the rest you need, ...

When betrayed, attention from the opposite sex can be almost intoxicating and most definitively tempting. Sorry to burst that happy bubble or balloon with a pinprick of truth, but in doing so I may save you future grief and sorrow.  So here goes… If you want to have a happy future, it lies not in a new man, or woman, but in a decision to heal. I sum up this message on how to heal in an acronym. &n...

HEAL OR REPLACE? After the betrayal of adultery a decision will need to be made. Will you choose to replace your sorrow with another relationship or heal from the pain FIRST? This is a simple but complex question. Simple because there is only one logical answer…and that is to heal FIRST! If you don’t, no relationship will work, not restoration of your marriage, nor any other one. The decision is a...

  I read Michael Hyatt’s blog almost daily. He normally educates on writing, leadership and public speaking but this day he veered off that path to a topic near and dear to my heart…How to avoid adultery. The following is part of his July 14, 2012 blog post called: What Are You Doing to Protect Your Marriage? | Michael Hyatt  “Here are three actions I take in order to protect my marriage: I i...

  This weekend I attended a ladies retreat; we had some designated time to spend with God outdoors to ask for revelation through the wonder of His creation. The first thing I spotted was a dirty feather covered in grit and sand. I passed it by. Meandering down to the lakeshore I surveyed the splendor far and wide. Though chilly and gray an ethereal mist flowed gently across the distant water....

If you have been betrayed...your anger may surface over and over. Do not become disheartened, God will never leave or forsake you even if everyone else does. Healing from betrayal is a process. Give yourself the freedom of time. One of the ways God supplied help in my circumstance was to provide a Godly counselor. I had opportunity to pour out my anger without causing further damage to my marriage...

If Jesus could effectively express anger, as we concluded in last weeks blog, then there had to be a way to emulate His example. During my season of intense anger I desired to understand how to manage anger...God's way. I had much to learn... To be honest, I struggled. Though my husband had turned his life back to God and was trying desperately to restore our marriage, there were days I didn’t car...